


Please Don't Leave Me Alone

by sleepysebastian



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Autism Spectrum, Bullying Mention, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, LOTS of internalized ableism kaoru has, M/M, Other, adosou is talked abt wink, kaokana is hinted at a little it can just be read as friendship, lotta cryin and kaoru angst, tws
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:03:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28498752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepysebastian/pseuds/sleepysebastian
Summary: Kaoru was silent, the sound of the buzzing lights in the room filled his ears and he felt his chest tighten. He didn’t ask to be born like this. ‘Why can’t I just be normal?’
Relationships: Hakaze Kaoru & Shinkai Kanata, Hakaze Kaoru/Shinkai Kanata
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29





	Please Don't Leave Me Alone

**Author's Note:**

> hello i hope u read the tws at the beginning......anyways autistic kaoru is one of my favorite headcanons BYE have fun reading

Kaoru felt the familiar taste of metal in his mouth. Well, looks like he bit down on his lip too hard again.

He was socially drained from talking to so many of his fans during the weekend. Now that it was Monday,  _ and  _ because it was school, he just wanted to become small and slink away from all of his problems. Of course, he couldn't do that. He had to keep up his image! Being a sexy, cool older brother figure was a hard image to obtain. Well- For others but not for him of course! (It was hard for him.)

Idle in the nose-burning sensation of the empty school hallways, he stood alone. Being alone was the worst for him. Being left out was the worst. Well, it wasn’t like he was being left out, it was more like...he wanted someone to come save him. Someone to be with him. It was stupid. His brain was stupid.

He was going to be late for his Marine Biology club meeting.

Shit.

Kaoru tried to keep his stance as normal as he could while he walked towards the club room. No one was there, but what if someone walked out and saw him moping around in his own misery? What would they think of him?

He gripped the handle of the sliding door to the club room, moving the door to the side. “I’m here~ Sorry I’m late-”

Kanata nearly had his entire face in the fish tank again.

“Kanata! Get  _ out of there already _ !” Kaoru groaned, throwing his bag to the floor and quickly trudging over to Kanata’s almost submerged form.

“Kaoru~?” Kanata hummed, leaning up, the tips of his hair dripping down onto the classroom floor.

Kaoru pushed Kanata away from the observation tank, sighing. “I can’t leave you alone for two minutes. Where’s Souma-kun?”

“It seems he had a date planned with a certain someone…” Kanata replied, fixing the wrinkles on his clothes lazily.

“Date?” Kaoru seemed very interested in that now, “With who? Did you see?”

“You might be familiar with the name,” Kanata grinned at him, “Adonis?”

“...Eh?” Kaoru was speechless. Souma and Adonis were really…? Well, he supposes he could see it. Both were fairly quiet but outgoing when alone, plus the two  _ did _ sort of make googoo eyes at each other when they thought their unitmates wouldn’t notice. Kaoru would always notice. “So he ditched club to go on a date, hm?”

“You’ve done the same thing with your lady friends, Kaoru~”

Kaoru frowned, “It’s different, though. You know, during the summer I can teach cute girls how to surf properly, so it’s not a typical date.” The boy seemed very proud of himself when he said that. Despite his pretty pissy demeanor right now, he was glad to be talking with Kanata. Kanata was somehow able to understand him in a way his dates or other face-value friends couldn’t.

“You should teach me too,” Kanata drawled out, “I’d love to learn how to swim.”

“I said I teach cute girls, not guys, Kanata-kun,” Kaoru sighed, leaning against the counter in the club room.

Kanata smiled, “I can be cute~”

“Ah- Well-” Kaoru stammered, blushing, “It’s not even summer anyways, so forget about it Kanata-kun.”

Kanata stepped back over to where Kaoru was standing, sliding down onto the floor. “What do you like about surfing anyways?”

“Well, it’s pretty relaxing if the waters are right,” Kaoru hummed. His heart jumped at the topic of surfing, it was one of his favorite things to do and talk about. “It’s better to surf when it's darker out, the sun always makes the waves feel super cold and uncomfortable~ Plus it can make your board super hot under your feet which sucks.” Before he knew it, Kaoru was going on a tangent about all things surfing. What he liked, what he hated (which is not a lot), and how to find the best waves.

“Be careful Kaoru, if you keep moving your hands around too harshly you might hurt yourself~” Kanata hummed, reaching up to poke Kaoru’s arm while he was in the middle of flapping his hands.

Kaoru’s stomach dropped, he hadn’t even realized he had been showing any symptoms. It’s like his brain shut off in excitement, and he didn’t think before saying anything. “Oh- My bad-” he muttered, hands twitching.

Kanata smiled at him warmly, “Don’t worry about it, I was trying to take care of you~”

“You don’t need to,” Kaoru huffed, “I was just...being weird again. It won’t happen again”

‘ _ Not in front of you at least… _ ’

“Huh? It’s not weird, Kaoru.”   
  


Kaoru furrowed his eyebrows, the floor beneath him suddenly becoming quite interesting, “Yes it is.”

“Would it be weird if I did it then?” Kanata asked, a serious expression casted over his face.

Kaoru felt his face pale, “Wha- No- It’s just-” He had seen his classmates do the same thing before, but his brain always told him that when  _ he _ did it, it was weird.

Kanata patted the cold floor, “Come here, Kaoru.” Kaoru hesitated, before slowly sliding down onto the ground next to Kanata. The boy placed his head on his knees, “So, Kaoru~ If it would be fine when I did it, then how come it’s so ‘weird’ when you do?”

Kaoru was silent, the sound of the buzzing lights in the room filled his ears and he felt his chest tighten. He didn’t ask to be born like this. ‘ _ Why can’t I just be normal? _ ’

“I-” Kaoru mumbled, voice incredibly shaky, “I don’t know.”

Kanata’s eyes widened slightly, “It’s okay not to know, Kaoru. We can talk about it.”

“I don’t want to-” Kaoru whispered, denying the feelings seeping out of his heart. The boy never had anyone to turn to since his mother had left him, he couldn’t trust his siblings, and he  _ absolutely couldn’t _ trust his dad. He really felt alone in the world, no one had understood him.

Having someone care about you is a strange feeling, isn’t it? Kaoru had denied himself of those feelings like the small family he had left did to him. Drowning out his brain’s need to function properly, he covered up who he truly was so he could feel even a sliver of acceptance. It hurt like hell. His body felt weak after every day at school, his brain was fried. But even then, all he could do was wallow in his room after school, showing any signs of his true self to anyone in his house would end in something bad, to say the very least.

“Are you sure?” Kanata questioned, turning to fully face him.

Kaoru tried to speak, but his throat refused to let any sound out. He really was pathetic, wasn’t he?

“...Do you want me to hug you, at least?”

Kaoru’s eyes went wide, before they closed again. It seemed that his years bottled up feelings had finally come spilling out. He couldn’t find any words to say, so he simply just slumped forward, Kanata taking him gently in his arms.

“It’s okay, Kaoru. You can trust me,” Kanata whispered, and that’s what broke him.

He didn’t mean to, but all of his tears and painful memories spilled out of him. Blubbering into Kanata’s shoulder about how many times he had been bullied physically and emotionally because of something small like wanting to talk about his current interest, or having a meltdown during class. How his father berated him for being a “fucking weirdo” or a “freak” or even “a child” just because he didn’t want to stay in public for a long time. He sobbed about how so many girls had rejected him, saying he wasn’t the same person he said he was. That he was some weird guy that acts like he’s a weird 5 year old. His eyes  _ stung _ as they rubbed into the fabric of Kanata’s school blazer. A large wet patch formed on the shoulder of the blazer, and Kaoru felt even more guilty for relaying all of this bullshit on him. Kanata had said nothing to him though, simply running a gentle hand through his hair while he cried.

“I’m sorry-” he rasped as he lifted himself off of Kanata’s shoulder, his whole body felt weak as he was barely able to hold himself up.

“Don’t apologize, it’s okay. I promise,” Kanata smiled softly, looking at Kaoru while he continued to run his hand through his hair. “I’m autistic too, you don’t have to worry about talking about it to me, okay~?”

Kaoru blinked, “Oh- Alright. I’m still sorry about dumping all of th-”

“Don’t apologize, Kaoru,” he replied firmly. Kanata placed his hand on the boy's cheek, feeling how warm it was. “We don’t have to do anything today, alright? Souma is gone anyways.”

Kaoru began to wipe the tears away that remained on his face, “Okay…”

“Why don’t you lay down? You look sleepy right now~” Kanata giggled, nudging Kaoru’s head down to his thighs.

“Okay- Okay- Don’t push me,” Kaoru pouted, blushing while laying his head down comfortably in Kanata’s lap.

The two sighed in content, finally feeling truly comfortable.

“I can lend you some of my stim things, if you want~” Kanata smiled down at him.

“Mmh- That sounds nice...I’ve never had one before,” Kaoru hummed, burying his head into the softness of Kanata’s thigh in slight embarrassment. He still wasn’t used to all the attention he was getting from  _ just _ Kanata right now.

“Hehe~” Kanata closed his eyes, “Let’s go to bed, Kaoru. Keito can kick us out later~”

Kaoru closed his eyes almost immediately, “M’kay…” All of his senses leaving him. Sure it would be embarrassing to be caught sleeping in a guys lap, but at this point he really didn’t care.

“Sleep good, Kaoru~”

“G’night..”

**Author's Note:**

> hope u enjoyed that...i based kaorus experiences off of my own so sorry if you dont understand it that much....comments + kudos appreciated <3


End file.
